My journey and reflections in life…
For more than eleven weeks a life grew in my wife’s womb, A life that we happily expected to grow to his fullness comes 25th of December- as the doctor told us. However, there was a complication. About two weeks ago, a mayoma was found growing in her ovary and the child’s heartbeat was weak. The child hanged on to his life as long as he could. But, just a few days ago, the child lost the fight to not just one mayoma but two!
Six weeks ago, my wife and I got excited when the pregnancy test showed positive. Finally, after a year of our marriage a little bundle of joy is about to come. Every morning and every night, I would kiss her growing belly and talk to the baby. My wife talks to the baby more often. The excitement, however, was mixed with worry when we learned that a mayoma was growing and the baby’s heart beat was weak. We tried to brush our worries away and did what the doctors told us. In my nightly and morning rituals, I now encourage the baby to be strong and hang on.
Last week, the baby is now 11 weeks old in the womb. We went to see the doctor for another scheduled check-up. The doctor said, he cannot here the baby’s heartbeat. But he assumes that it was just because of the mayoma, perhaps it hampers the machine from picking up the heartbeat. He advised us to return a week after for another check up. Usually, on the 12th week the heartbeat should be heard without the aid of an ultrasound. The doctor gave her another prescription for vitamins.
A day after though, my wife felt slight pain on her stomach. Then again, it was not intense enough and she dismissed it as a regular pain that comes with the pregnancy.Sometime after midnight, my wife woke me up. There is fear in her voice. She said when she went to relieve herself, she saw what it looks like blood spots on her underwear. I did not like it, but I don’t want her to worry some more. I told her I that there were other who really bled during their pregnancy but the baby lived. I said a little prayer and asked to go back to sleep, and I told her that I will consult the doctor first thing in the morning.
The doctor ordered another round of ultrasound. So I went home to fetch my wife. She was still lying in bed, praying the Rosary. As she was about to finish praying though, the Rosary somehow snapped, though she was just holding it lightly. I thought perhaps the string was already weak, but at the back of my mind, I did not like it at all.
During the ultrasound, we were told of what we feared the most, the baby have no heart beat. Only then we learned that there’s not just one mayoma but two and they are relatively large. It seems the whole world collapsed unto us. I held my wife’s hand. I felt the pain of our loss but I can only wonder how much pain she’s enduring that time.
She’s a strong woman though. Sometimes she would bring herself to a smile, taking consolation on what the doctor have told us. That if the baby would have been formed, he would have some abnormalities, even deformities because of the two mayomas pressing on him.
The nigth she felt pain on her bossom, she had a dream. In her dream she went to the restroom to relieve her self. On the toilet bowl though, after she relieved herself, she saw a fetus. She scooped it on her hand. The fetus’ body is small but the head is full grown. It was a boy (That’s the reason why I have been referring to the baby as him). She said the baby is just so handsome and he was smiling at her.
Perhaps this dream is trying to tell us that the baby whom we named Rheynoel , is now an angel in heaven.